Let God Manage Your Stress

The sermon today at church was on managing stress. I took two pages of notes because this one came with a specialized gift tag that said “To Carrie. Love, God.” I was raised to be gracious when accepting gifts so I accepted with a nervous smile and hoped that not everyone was looking at me while I sat there absorbing everything like a sponge and feeling like I was suddenly wearing the “Emperor’s New Clothes” in church. You see, I’ve been doing this all wrong…I missed it! I’m supposed to let God handle my stress. I’m not supposed to manage it myself. Well, if only it was that easy!! Funny thing about stress, it grips you like a vice and it just gets tighter and tighter until you feel like this is the only way you can live. I lived inside that vice squeezing me for four very long years and it was Hell. Hell for me and hell for my family and friends because it consumed my life. It owned me. I kept it all within and didn’t trust God enough to give it to him. I was afraid. In my mind, there was no way out.  I was destined to live my life like this and I was absolutely miserable. As I sat there today, I thought about this past week and how I had been to Leesylvania State Park sitting on the beach, walking along the trail by the water, listening to great music, enjoying the time by myself. It really is a great place to “relieve stress” and think about things. A few years ago, I was there because I couldn’t escape the stress in my life and I literally ran until I couldn’t run anymore. That was a life-changing day for me because I decided right there in the park that I was going to change myself and no longer live under that vice anymore. I knew when I left that I was going to figure out a way to remove that vice. The feeling that I had while at the park this past week was so different and so peaceful. While I have stress in my life (pretty sure we all do), it is normal stress that I deal with on a daily basis. Sending my child to college this year is stressful but so was sending him to preschool for the first time and kindergarten, middle school, and high school. Stress is all around us but how we choose to handle it is what matters. My pastor referenced Matthew 6:25b-34 and how we have to give things up to God. We have to give up the little things too, not just save up for the big things.  I took a lot of notes, more so than I usually do. It helps me to remain focused and I was very interested in this sermon (after all, it was personalized with my name all over it). At one point, Steve gave me the “sideways glare” and whispered “What are you doing?” I whispered back “Taking notes. Love this sermon.” Next thing you know, he was slipping me the note page from his bulletin because he could see that I was running out of room AND he could see that I wasn’t making a grocery list!  Sure, some of you may read this and confirm your suspicion...”Yep, she’s lost it” but I hope that’s not what you’ll say. I hope that you’ll say…”Yep, she’s spot on and we all need to slow down and enjoy what we have been given in life while God handles the things that we cannot control.” 

Why Did You Bully Me?

Why Did You Bully Me?

Bullying adults is what you did best.

Perhaps that’s why I can’t let it rest.

Did you feel good when you put others down?

turning their smiles into hurtful frowns…

Laughter was costly and crying was cheap

I still don’t see how you could be such a creep.

In front of my peers, you chose to poke fun

entertaining others at the expense of my son.

For some reason you enjoyed turmoil and fights

which affected my sleep on many nights.

They say you’ve changed and I hope that it’s true.

Still, that’s not the way I remember you.

This nomination is a slap in my face

Honestly, it’s just a disgusting disgrace.

For those who saw how you treated me

I hope they weren’t participants of this decree.

One day, the truth will prevail so that others can see.

You’re simply not the person you pretend to be…

Alcohol

Alcohol

It gives you a voice and courage to speak

So you’re no longer weary, mild or meek.

You’re funny and friendly, charming the crowd

until you become wild, crazy and loud

Instantly you change, you’re violent and mean

No longer a garrulous, charming machine

Now the only one who’s having a ball

are you and your best friend…alcohol!

His Final Game

His Final Game

The crowd gets loud and shouts his name

His last at bat, his final game

My mind calls time out as he approaches the plate

I take it all in, as I recreate

His first pair of cleats and that brand new glove

A shiny new bat and a heart full of love

From T-Ball to hitting his first home run

Baseball has been a whole lot of fun

Over the years, baseball friends we do treasure

Time at the diamond was always a pleasure

My time out is over as I sit and wait

For the pitch that will ultimately determine his fate

The crack of the bat as it hits the ball

That sails right over the center field wall

The crowd gets louder as they shout his name

His last at bat, his final game…

The Brightest Star

The Brightest Star

Remembering Daniel

The most important thing a teacher can do, is build a positive relationship with students.  That’s exactly what I tried to do each year when a new group of third graders entered my classroom.  All of my students are special and even today, I could tell you why each one is special to me.  When Daniel walked through the door, his smile lit up the room!  He had the most amazing smile and he knew it.  He was a good student but had a lot of difficulty telling the truth when he would make a poor choice.  We spent the whole year, working on the importance of honesty and telling the truth.  His parents were very supportive as we worked through this important lesson and by the end of the year, I knew that when I asked Daniel a question about anything at all, he was telling the truth because he understood how important it was to do so. 

At the end of that school year, I was presented with an amazing opportunity.  There was a fourth grade opening and I asked if I could move to fourth grade and take my class with me.  My new principal said I could take them with me if I called every parent and they agreed.  Whew!  Talk about pressure…The first family that I called was Daniel’s.  His father answered and I remember being nervous on the phone.  As soon as I finished my “spiel”, his father thanked me for calling him and said of course he could go to fourth grade with me.

Fourth grade was another amazing year with this class and by the end of the year, it was REALLY hard to let them go.  The bond that we had was very deep after two years together and there wasn’t a dry eye in the room on the last day of school. 

Fortunately, Daniel and I stayed in touch all the way through his high school years.  I remember so well when he would come to see me (and I was at a different school then).  His smile could still light up the room when he walked through the door!  Right before graduation, he brought his mom with him to see me again.  I remember the two of us talking about how proud we were of him.  Of course I said that I was glad he was still telling the truth and the three of us laughed! 

Daniel was accepted to a college that was several hours away and I was so proud of him for his hard work!  He was doing well until that awful October day when his heart couldn’t go anymore and it gave out when he was with his friends at school.  There were no toxins in his body. He just died much too early and much too young.  The day that I received that call was one of the worst days of my life.  I was so distraught and I missed him so much.  I thought back to third and fourth grade and watching him learn to tell the truth.  The tears seemed like they would never end and my heart felt like it would never be whole again.

At his funeral, I sat with my former principal who cried along with me. She was Daniel’s principal through the third grade and she came to the funeral for his family and for me.  I am grateful to this day for the way that she handled everything. 

At Christmas time that year, I still felt sad. The local hospital had a love light tree where you could give a love light in honor or in memory of someone.  I gave one in memory of Daniel.   After elementary school, Daniel’s parents divorced and his mother remarried.  I wasn’t sure if anyone from his family would be there.  You can imagine my surprise when I walked in and saw his entire family sitting together; his mother, his father and his two brothers.  I think they needed this too.  When we walked outside to see the tree light up for the first time, we stood there staring at the plethora of beautiful lights on the tree.  Daniel’s father pointed to a light close to the top, making sure we could all see the one he was referring to.  Then he said that it was Daniel’s because it was the brightest. 

I think of Daniel often and while I know that I taught him many things over the years, I’d be foolish to believe that it was just one way.  There are many things that I learned from Daniel.  He taught me that a smile is one of the most precious gifts someone can give to another and he taught me how precious life is and how quickly it can be taken away.   I know that when I look up in the sky and I see the brightest star, its Daniel smiling down at me, letting me know everything is going to be okay…

Thoughts From Mom...

For My Son...

It’s scary and I’m new at this but my son smiles as he looks at me and tells me everything will be okay.  My mind takes a road trip to a place affectionately known as yesterday. I flip through my files of milestones and memories and I wonder as I return his smile if I’ve done enough. Did I teach him everything a mom should teach her son? Did I model what is right? I didn’t get down on my knees each night and pray like I did with my parents as a child but I prayed a lot and mostly when he didn’t know a prayer was being said. Was I wrong to hold a grudge (or maybe 10) against those who hurt him along his path from childhood to “almost” manhood? He tells me not to hold grudges because that’s not what God wants us to do. He’s right yet I can’t help it sometimes, most recently with a teacher. I’m an educator so I KNOW I shouldn’t hold a grudge against a teacher, but I do. I also truly treasure some of them for the way they have shown him kindness and because they truly care about HIM, not just his test scores.  I feel selfish as I think about the day that he will play his final baseball game because I don’t want that day to come but every player has a “last game.”  Will I be strong enough the day he hangs up his cleats for the last time? I bought him his first pair of cleats for T-Ball at the age of 3. He didn’t know they were soccer cleats. He was just happy to have “cleats.”

I’m just a mom of a boy who is slowly becoming a man, embarking on his senior year in high school. I know it will go fast just like the last 17 years of his life and then I’ll have to hit the “repeat” button and do this all over again with his little brother (sigh). I want to freeze time and make sure that I’ve done everything that I’m supposed to do for him, that I’ve taught him everything I was supposed to teach him. I want to sit his 6’2” body in my lap again and read to him and laugh with him just the way we used to do. All I’ve ever wanted is for him to be happy and to know that no matter what, I’m always here for him. I think about that for a minute and then I realize that perhaps it works both ways because he is always here for me, too. Ultimately, the greatest gift you can give your children besides unconditional love is a pair of wings to fly.

Son,

Please don’t ever forget where your nest is and about those grudges…let me know if anyone ruffles your feathers. 

Love,

 Mom 

Always Stop at the Lemonade Stand (Part 2)

Always Stop at the Lemonade Stand (Part 2)

There are many things that I hope my boys will remember when they grow up and become parents. One of them is our unofficial house rule “Always stop at the lemonade stand.”  We always stop and buy a cup or more of lemonade whenever we see a lemonade stand. In fact, I keep a “lemonade fund” in my car just for that purpose.  The boys will now tell me if they spot a lemonade stand on the side of the road because they want to stop. They “get” it. You see, I’ve never been disappointed when walking away from a lemonade stand and I certainly enjoyed my own lemonade stands when I was a young child. In order to have a lemonade stand, you must be willing to talk to someone you don’t know and that takes some guts. You also have to be willing to do some work. When customers arrive, you must practice very important life skills, looking them in the eye and having a two way conversation with them. The conversation is always friendly and most often I spot an adult off to the side beaming with pride as their young entrepreneur sells me a cup of lemonade.  You might be thinking that the lemonade doesn’t taste very good and quite frankly, most often that is true. If that is the reason you are stopping, then you are missing so much in life. I don’t stop for the lemonade. I stop for that warm fuzzy feeling I get inside whenever I go to a lemonade stand. I stop for the smiles and the giggles. I stop for the conversation because kids have some great things to say if we listen to them. I stop because like the young entrepreneur, I have hope in our future. I believe in working hard to earn money.  Every time I walk away from a lemonade stand, I feel good and I have a smile on my face because I know that this great tradition continues. I celebrate because I conversed with a child who chose to run a business and interact with strangers face to face over playing video games inside on their own. I also reminisce about the good ole days when I used to have my own lemonade stands with my friends and one day, I’d like to get back together with them on the side of the road with a sign that says

“Free Lemonade for Everyone. Thanks for the Memories!”

The Player

The Player

Patiently he sits awaiting the call

All he wants is a chance to play ball

He warms up the players before each game

Then enters the dugout to search for his name

He’s not starting or playing today

He slowly looks down then walks away

I watch his face as he turns around

Many good seats are sure to be found

He sits there quietly on the bench

He doesn’t complain or even flinch

He cheers on his teammates as they come off the field

Fist bumps, high fives, as he wears his brave shield

He sits back down and watches the game

Waiting and hoping to hear his name

He’s just a boy awaiting the call

He’s just a boy ready to play ball

What's Up With the Rock N Roll Hall of Fame

What’s Up With the Rock N Roll Hall of Fame

(Sung to You Give Love a Bad Name)

because everyone KNOWS that Bon Jovi SHOULD BE in The Rock N Roll Hall of Fame!

Shot through the heart and you’re to blame.

What’s up with The Rock N Roll Hall of Fame?

Our lyrics file has a story to tell

Prayer, Bad Medicine, they should ring a bell.

All our fans wonder what you don’t see.

They feel our passion, yet we can’t break free.

Oh, oh, you’re loads of fun!

Oh, oh, why yes that’s a pun!

No one can stop us.

Our work is not done.

Shot through the heart and you’re to blame.

What’s up with the Rock N Roll Hall of Fame?

We play our concerts

And you play your game.

What’s up with the Rock N Roll Hall of Fame?

What’s up with the Rock N Roll Hall of Fame?

Amazing smiles as we look in the pits.

The crowd sings along, as we play our hits.

A Rock band’s dream, you again deny.

You can’t bring us down cause our limit’s the sky!

Oh, oh, we still have fun!

Oh, oh, we’re still number one!

No one can stop us.

Our work is not done!

What’s up with the Rock N Roll Hall of Fame?
(Whoa) Rock N Roll (Hall of Fame)
(Whoa) Rock N Roll (Hall of Fame)…

The Old School Teacher

The "Old School" Teacher

What good is teaching if it’s just for you?

Don’t you know I sit and have no clue?

You’re boring, scary, and I know you don’t care.

Oh, and did I mention, you don’t grade fair?

You’re proud of the years under your belt.

Too bad you’ve no clue how I’ve felt.

“Old school” is out but it seems you forget.

You talk 90 minutes and make us all fret.

How can you look in the mirror each day

knowing your damaging kids for pay?

I want to bust out of my skin and scream

SHUT UP!!… but that would be a little extreme.

You get away with less than world class.

Nobody likes when you’re sarcastic and crass.

Too bad you don’t care if or how I learn.

I can’t believe you are so stoic and stern.

If just for once you could see through my eyes.

You might understand and be quite surprised!

Then maybe just maybe you’d plan and prepare

engaging lessons that show us you care.

Piece by Peace

Piece by Peace

Moving the pieces, insisting they fit

That’s what happens until you admit

These pieces don’t work like the others do

My child has autism. He’s among the few.

Piece by piece, the puzzle takes shape

Though unlike others, there is no escape

Why can’t they see how it makes us feel?

Why can’t they see that this is real?

I weep for the ones who don’t understand

And those who are scared to lend a hand

For the meek who look the other way

or the ones who just smile and bid you good day

Social situations are like tropical storms

Their differences are noted and not the norms

             If only everyone had the heart of my child

We would find peace as we reconciled.

A friend is all he hopes to find

One who is loyal and one who is kind

Someone who’ll help the loneliness cease

A friend who builds friendships piece by peace.

What I've learned from my students...

What I’ve learned from my students…

1.       Laughter should be part of your daily routine.

2.       Words Matter  - Choose them carefully.

3.       If you make a mistake, correct it. Everyone makes mistakes!

4.       Always keep your imagination alive. ALWAYS!

5.       Believing in yourself is what makes a dream become a reality.

6.       A smile really is priceless. :)

7.       Celebrate successes, even the little ones

8.       Help others when they need it and accept help when you need it.

9.       If you have a strong bond, it will never be broken. Ever!

10.    Precious moments become treasured memories much too soon.

11.   Every child HAS a gift and every child IS a gift.

12.   Never, ever, judge a book by its cover. Always READ the book from beginning to end…

13.   Work hard and play hard but never stop doing either one.

14.   Children will only fail if you let them.

15.   I still have a lot to learn…

Here Comes the Hammer, I'm Smashing Up Grammar

Here Comes the Hammer, I’m Smashing Up Grammar

There are a plethora of mistakes in this poem. How many can you find?

Goodbye editing. Goodbye proofreading.

It’s about time you received this beating.

Here comes the hammer.

I’m smashing up grammar.

forget  brainstorming and a silly first draft.

Who says righting is a fine tooned craft?

Knot me. I no what two do.

Right it once and then I’m threw.

Goodbye editing. Goodbye proofreading.

It’s about time you received this beating.

Here comes the hammer.

I’m smashing up grammar.

Know run on sentences inn my written work

my teacher walks bye and gives me a smirk

Whats that four I can’t help but wonder

I think shes about to steel my thunder

Goodbye editing. Goodbye proofreading.

It’s about time you received this beating.

Here comes the hammer.

I’m smashing up grammar.

Does it really matter if I use a big word!

dont you think its a little absurd

Cant it just bee ‘funny’ instead of humurus

Or why not say ‘many’ instead of numerous

Goodbye editing. Goodbye proofreading.

It’s about time you received this beating.

Here comes the hammer.

I’m smashing up grammar.

My teacher says my righting should always have a voice

What ever happened to giving kids a choice

Like righting about the thyme eye hit my first homerun

or win I went too the beach. boy that trip was fun

Goodbye editing. Goodbye proofreading.

It’s about time you received this beating.

Here comes the hammer.

I’m smashing up grammar.

3-5 paragraphs is what I have to do

I think Id rather catch a plain and go to Kalamazoo

theirs always alaska or someplace in the son

arent you glad too here this poem is finally done

Goodbye

Goodbye

We had a funeral to say goodbye

It was important to leave on a high

The “at” family came and quietly sat

Waiting their turn to speak with dear Pat

The “in” crowd arrived with all of their kin

Each hid behind a shy little grin

Next came the “un” twins which doubled the fun

They spoke of the time they went for a run

Nobody thought the “it” team would fit

But somehow they managed to file in and sit

There were word families as far as you could see

All of them there to support my family and me

You just do not disrupt the “an” family clan

By placing an apostrophe T at the end of can

Can with an apostrophe t? Oh how absurd!

That’s why we’re mourning this silly word.

Opening Day

Opening Day

“There’s no crying here” I heard someone say

Who sheds tears on opening day?

I look around and take in the crowd,

a sea of faces, all standing proud.

The umpire yells “Play ball,”

as the players tip hats to his call.

Before you know it, we’re in the last inning,

tied 0-0 just like the beginning.

Here he comes, my favorite player

and I don’t hear one single nay-sayer.

“Let’s go!” I shout! “You can do it!”

“Everyone knows that you can hit!”

He smacks the ball and sends it flying,

A single home-run without even trying!

The fans go wild! I say “That’s my hero.”

Now the score is one to zero.

After the game, we stand by the fence,

waiting like always with great suspense.

I want to see him really bad.

He’s my favorite player, but he’s also my dad!

Always Stop at the Lemonade Stand (Part One)

Always Stop At the Lemonade Stand (Part One)...

It's official!  Today, was "opening day" for Lemonade Stand Season!  As I drove through the busy streets just outside the city, there it was, on the corner with a big sign, a stack of solo cups and an empty pitcher.  A young boy sat waiting as his older sisters came out of the house with the replacement pitcher of fresh, cold, l-e-m-o-n-a-d-e!  As I was approaching the stand, the young boy spotted me out of the corner of his eye.  I saw him pump his fist and say "Yes!" under his breath!  He sat up straight and waited, ready to assist as I approached.  The sign on the front said "Fresh cup of ice cold lemonade."  It had a price of $0.50 next to it but that was crossed out with an X.  Underneath it was $1.00.  Apparently, they were very confident in their product, raising the price on the spot!  I must admit, they were very professional, and prompt.  Everyone was friendly and it was absolutely apparent that they loved their jobs!  I walked away with a big smile on my face, a fresh cup of ice cold lemonade and a reminder that in one corner of our world, happiness and hope are alive and well...

Where Did You Go?

Where Did You Go?

You were there when I took my first step. You were there when I said my first word.  It was your neck that I threw my arms around while I smothered your face with kisses.  When I was scared, you didn't dismiss my fears. You just held me and told me I would be alright.  If my friends weren't playing fair, you were always there!  You were beautiful. I remember always thinking that. You laughed often and you loved so much.  I was your favorite. You didn't have to tell me.  My brother said he was the favorite. Then my sister said she was the favorite. There's no way you could favor all three. Right?

When my teachers needed a room mother, it was you. You were always there. You made the cupcakes, you brought the kool-aid. It was you that my friends liked so much. When we moved, I was so sad but you were always there for me. I didn't know that you were sad too. You just kept looking out for me and making sure I took an honest path.  Suddenly, it wasn't very fun for me to see you always there anymore but you didn't let that bother you. You cared and you were there. When I told you to leave me alone. You stood your ground and didn't falter. You had courage and strength which I now deeply admire. I was angry. You were there. I was mad. You were there. I was disgusted. You were there. I was sad. You were there. I was embarrassed. You were there.

I took you for granted and pushed you aside. You had so much wisdom and so much pride. When I worked with you, I saw your true talent. You are creative and have such an amazing gift. I would turn the corner, and you were there. It made me happy. I loved going to work and seeing you. We were able to rebuild what we lost for so many years.  If I was scared, you still didn't dismiss my fears. You laughed often and I remember thinking that you were still so beautiful.  

When my children were born, you were there. You gave them love that only you could give. I watched you with them and wondered what you were like when I was that little.  You were so gentle and attentive. You were perfect.  

You were you!

You are still here but where did you go? I look in your eyes and I don't see you there. You call me by name, you tell me you love me but it isn't the same. I am fearful because I am scared I am going to lose you but you don't even realize this is how I feel. You can't dismiss my fears because you don't see them anymore. I'm not sure what you see. I wish that I could see through your eyes. I wish that I could think your thoughts and hear what you hear. I wish that I could shake you and wake you up from this 12 year fog. How can I ask for someone to come back to me when they technically never left me?  I want you to hug me like you used to. I can tell the difference.  I want you to tell me you love me and mean it like you used to.  I'm tired of being numb. I want you to wipe away the tears that fall as I write these final words. More than anything, I want you to know how much I love you.  Since you "left", my life hasn't been the same. For my own peace of mind, 

I really want to know...

Where Did You Go?

I Stood Up To You

I STOOD UP TO YOU!

I stood up to you when I said “Stop putting me down.”

You didn’t hear me. You were adjusting your crown.

I stood up to you when I defended my work.

You didn’t notice. You were being a jerk.

I stood up to you as I clinched my fists tight.

You knew you were wrong, yet you still had to fight.

I stood up to you when I replied with a glare.

You looked right through me, like you just don’t care.

I stood up to you when I said your words sting.

You didn’t respond. You just stared at your ring.

I stood up to you and asked “Why do you bully?”

You didn’t answer, but you understood fully.

I stood up to you when I said “ Hey, I MATTER.”

You looked right at me and said “I’m not paid to be kind or flatter.”

I stood up to you but it was all in my dream.

I really wish things weren’t as bad as they seem...

It's in the Cards

IT’S in the CARDS

Who is your hero?  Growing up, I remember my dad always talking about his favorite player, Stan Musial.  He played for the St. Louis Cardinals and was known as “Stan the Man” because of his character on and off the field.  My dad told us stories of growing up in Richmond, Virginia and listening to the Cards on the radio so that he could hear his favorite team’s games and know how his favorite player was doing. He said that he could picture each play in his head perfectly.  That probably explains why he is still such a great listener when we chat.  If you were to ask my dad today, who his hero was when he was a child, he wouldn’t hesitate to tell you that his hero was Stan Musial.  He admired him for his talent and the gentlemanly way that he handled himself on and off the baseball field.  He never said much but his actions spoke volumes.

Several years ago, we learned that Mr. Musial was going to be coming to a card show near our hometown.  This was an opportunity that we couldn’t pass up so we bought tickets for our family and of course we bought a ticket for my dad.  Probably one of the best days of my life was getting to see my dad meet his childhood hero, Stan “the Man” Musial.  We have a picture of them together from that day and I remember my dad telling him how much he admired him when he was growing up.  Mr. Musial didn’t say a lot but he smiled and was appreciative of my dad’s compliments that day.  I can remember walking away thinking about the excitement that my dad must have been experiencing when he met his hero.

Recently, my dad and I were talking about the day that he met Mr. Musial.  I was telling him how I felt when I watched them meet and shake hands.  My dad shared that while he was excited, he had been a little disappointed because Mr. Musial didn’t talk very much and he had hoped that he would talk a little more when they met.  My dad went on to tell me that he later read that his childhood hero had a speech impairment, stuttering.  Speaking in public was something that made him very uncomfortable but because of his character and his desire to be a good role model for young children, he would do it when it was necessary because that was part of the job.  Mr. Musial took his job very seriously even after he retired from the MLB.  He continued to represent the St. Louis Cardinals in a positive manner, owning a restaurant in St. Louis, staying in the area for the remainder of his life.

Heroes come in all shapes and sizes.  For most young children, they tend to be professional athletes and that was the case for my dad.  I will always be grateful for those few moments that we had together at a card show in Virginia.  I grew up imagining what my dad must have been like as a child and I learned a lot about him through stories from family members.  On the day that he met his childhood hero, I got to see for a few brief moments, what my dad was like as a child and as soon as I met Mr. Musial, I knew why he was “The Man.”