For My Son...
It’s scary
and I’m new at this but my son smiles as he looks at me and tells me everything
will be okay. My mind takes a road trip
to a place affectionately known as yesterday. I flip through my files of
milestones and memories and I wonder as I return his smile if I’ve done enough.
Did I teach him everything a mom should teach her son? Did I model what is
right? I didn’t get down on my knees each night and pray like I did with my
parents as a child but I prayed a lot and mostly when he didn’t know a prayer
was being said. Was I wrong to hold a grudge (or maybe 10) against those who hurt
him along his path from childhood to “almost” manhood? He tells me not to hold
grudges because that’s not what God wants us to do. He’s right yet I can’t help
it sometimes, most recently with a teacher. I’m an educator so I KNOW I shouldn’t
hold a grudge against a teacher, but I do. I also truly treasure some of them
for the way they have shown him kindness and because they truly care about HIM,
not just his test scores. I feel selfish
as I think about the day that he will play his final baseball game because I
don’t want that day to come but every player has a “last game.” Will I be strong enough the day he hangs up
his cleats for the last time? I bought him his first pair of cleats for T-Ball
at the age of 3. He didn’t know they were soccer cleats. He was just happy to
have “cleats.”
I’m just a
mom of a boy who is slowly becoming a man, embarking on his senior year in high
school. I know it will go fast just like the last 17 years of his life and then
I’ll have to hit the “repeat” button and do this all over again with his little
brother (sigh). I want to freeze time and make sure that I’ve done everything
that I’m supposed to do for him, that I’ve taught him everything I was supposed
to teach him. I want to sit his 6’2” body in my lap again and read to him and
laugh with him just the way we used to do. All I’ve ever wanted is for him to
be happy and to know that no matter what, I’m always here for him. I think
about that for a minute and then I realize that perhaps it works both ways
because he is always here for me, too. Ultimately, the greatest gift you can
give your children besides unconditional love is a pair of wings to fly.
Son,
Please don’t
ever forget where your nest is and about those grudges…let me know if anyone
ruffles your feathers.
Love,
Mom
