Where Did You Go?
You were there when I took my first step. You were there when I said my first word. It was your neck that I threw my arms around while I smothered your face with kisses. When I was scared, you didn't dismiss my fears. You just held me and told me I would be alright. If my friends weren't playing fair, you were always there! You were beautiful. I remember always thinking that. You laughed often and you loved so much. I was your favorite. You didn't have to tell me. My brother said he was the favorite. Then my sister said she was the favorite. There's no way you could favor all three. Right?
When my teachers needed a room mother, it was you. You were always there. You made the cupcakes, you brought the kool-aid. It was you that my friends liked so much. When we moved, I was so sad but you were always there for me. I didn't know that you were sad too. You just kept looking out for me and making sure I took an honest path. Suddenly, it wasn't very fun for me to see you always there anymore but you didn't let that bother you. You cared and you were there. When I told you to leave me alone. You stood your ground and didn't falter. You had courage and strength which I now deeply admire. I was angry. You were there. I was mad. You were there. I was disgusted. You were there. I was sad. You were there. I was embarrassed. You were there.
I took you for granted and pushed you aside. You had so much wisdom and so much pride. When I worked with you, I saw your true talent. You are creative and have such an amazing gift. I would turn the corner, and you were there. It made me happy. I loved going to work and seeing you. We were able to rebuild what we lost for so many years. If I was scared, you still didn't dismiss my fears. You laughed often and I remember thinking that you were still so beautiful.
When my children were born, you were there. You gave them love that only you could give. I watched you with them and wondered what you were like when I was that little. You were so gentle and attentive. You were perfect.
You were you!
You are still here but where did you go? I look in your eyes and I don't see you there. You call me by name, you tell me you love me but it isn't the same. I am fearful because I am scared I am going to lose you but you don't even realize this is how I feel. You can't dismiss my fears because you don't see them anymore. I'm not sure what you see. I wish that I could see through your eyes. I wish that I could think your thoughts and hear what you hear. I wish that I could shake you and wake you up from this 12 year fog. How can I ask for someone to come back to me when they technically never left me? I want you to hug me like you used to. I can tell the difference. I want you to tell me you love me and mean it like you used to. I'm tired of being numb. I want you to wipe away the tears that fall as I write these final words. More than anything, I want you to know how much I love you. Since you "left", my life hasn't been the same. For my own peace of mind,
I really want to know...
Where Did You Go?
