Let God Manage Your Stress

The sermon today at church was on managing stress. I took two pages of notes because this one came with a specialized gift tag that said “To Carrie. Love, God.” I was raised to be gracious when accepting gifts so I accepted with a nervous smile and hoped that not everyone was looking at me while I sat there absorbing everything like a sponge and feeling like I was suddenly wearing the “Emperor’s New Clothes” in church. You see, I’ve been doing this all wrong…I missed it! I’m supposed to let God handle my stress. I’m not supposed to manage it myself. Well, if only it was that easy!! Funny thing about stress, it grips you like a vice and it just gets tighter and tighter until you feel like this is the only way you can live. I lived inside that vice squeezing me for four very long years and it was Hell. Hell for me and hell for my family and friends because it consumed my life. It owned me. I kept it all within and didn’t trust God enough to give it to him. I was afraid. In my mind, there was no way out.  I was destined to live my life like this and I was absolutely miserable. As I sat there today, I thought about this past week and how I had been to Leesylvania State Park sitting on the beach, walking along the trail by the water, listening to great music, enjoying the time by myself. It really is a great place to “relieve stress” and think about things. A few years ago, I was there because I couldn’t escape the stress in my life and I literally ran until I couldn’t run anymore. That was a life-changing day for me because I decided right there in the park that I was going to change myself and no longer live under that vice anymore. I knew when I left that I was going to figure out a way to remove that vice. The feeling that I had while at the park this past week was so different and so peaceful. While I have stress in my life (pretty sure we all do), it is normal stress that I deal with on a daily basis. Sending my child to college this year is stressful but so was sending him to preschool for the first time and kindergarten, middle school, and high school. Stress is all around us but how we choose to handle it is what matters. My pastor referenced Matthew 6:25b-34 and how we have to give things up to God. We have to give up the little things too, not just save up for the big things.  I took a lot of notes, more so than I usually do. It helps me to remain focused and I was very interested in this sermon (after all, it was personalized with my name all over it). At one point, Steve gave me the “sideways glare” and whispered “What are you doing?” I whispered back “Taking notes. Love this sermon.” Next thing you know, he was slipping me the note page from his bulletin because he could see that I was running out of room AND he could see that I wasn’t making a grocery list!  Sure, some of you may read this and confirm your suspicion...”Yep, she’s lost it” but I hope that’s not what you’ll say. I hope that you’ll say…”Yep, she’s spot on and we all need to slow down and enjoy what we have been given in life while God handles the things that we cannot control.” 

Why Did You Bully Me?

Why Did You Bully Me?

Bullying adults is what you did best.

Perhaps that’s why I can’t let it rest.

Did you feel good when you put others down?

turning their smiles into hurtful frowns…

Laughter was costly and crying was cheap

I still don’t see how you could be such a creep.

In front of my peers, you chose to poke fun

entertaining others at the expense of my son.

For some reason you enjoyed turmoil and fights

which affected my sleep on many nights.

They say you’ve changed and I hope that it’s true.

Still, that’s not the way I remember you.

This nomination is a slap in my face

Honestly, it’s just a disgusting disgrace.

For those who saw how you treated me

I hope they weren’t participants of this decree.

One day, the truth will prevail so that others can see.

You’re simply not the person you pretend to be…

Alcohol

Alcohol

It gives you a voice and courage to speak

So you’re no longer weary, mild or meek.

You’re funny and friendly, charming the crowd

until you become wild, crazy and loud

Instantly you change, you’re violent and mean

No longer a garrulous, charming machine

Now the only one who’s having a ball

are you and your best friend…alcohol!

His Final Game

His Final Game

The crowd gets loud and shouts his name

His last at bat, his final game

My mind calls time out as he approaches the plate

I take it all in, as I recreate

His first pair of cleats and that brand new glove

A shiny new bat and a heart full of love

From T-Ball to hitting his first home run

Baseball has been a whole lot of fun

Over the years, baseball friends we do treasure

Time at the diamond was always a pleasure

My time out is over as I sit and wait

For the pitch that will ultimately determine his fate

The crack of the bat as it hits the ball

That sails right over the center field wall

The crowd gets louder as they shout his name

His last at bat, his final game…

The Brightest Star

The Brightest Star

Remembering Daniel

The most important thing a teacher can do, is build a positive relationship with students.  That’s exactly what I tried to do each year when a new group of third graders entered my classroom.  All of my students are special and even today, I could tell you why each one is special to me.  When Daniel walked through the door, his smile lit up the room!  He had the most amazing smile and he knew it.  He was a good student but had a lot of difficulty telling the truth when he would make a poor choice.  We spent the whole year, working on the importance of honesty and telling the truth.  His parents were very supportive as we worked through this important lesson and by the end of the year, I knew that when I asked Daniel a question about anything at all, he was telling the truth because he understood how important it was to do so. 

At the end of that school year, I was presented with an amazing opportunity.  There was a fourth grade opening and I asked if I could move to fourth grade and take my class with me.  My new principal said I could take them with me if I called every parent and they agreed.  Whew!  Talk about pressure…The first family that I called was Daniel’s.  His father answered and I remember being nervous on the phone.  As soon as I finished my “spiel”, his father thanked me for calling him and said of course he could go to fourth grade with me.

Fourth grade was another amazing year with this class and by the end of the year, it was REALLY hard to let them go.  The bond that we had was very deep after two years together and there wasn’t a dry eye in the room on the last day of school. 

Fortunately, Daniel and I stayed in touch all the way through his high school years.  I remember so well when he would come to see me (and I was at a different school then).  His smile could still light up the room when he walked through the door!  Right before graduation, he brought his mom with him to see me again.  I remember the two of us talking about how proud we were of him.  Of course I said that I was glad he was still telling the truth and the three of us laughed! 

Daniel was accepted to a college that was several hours away and I was so proud of him for his hard work!  He was doing well until that awful October day when his heart couldn’t go anymore and it gave out when he was with his friends at school.  There were no toxins in his body. He just died much too early and much too young.  The day that I received that call was one of the worst days of my life.  I was so distraught and I missed him so much.  I thought back to third and fourth grade and watching him learn to tell the truth.  The tears seemed like they would never end and my heart felt like it would never be whole again.

At his funeral, I sat with my former principal who cried along with me. She was Daniel’s principal through the third grade and she came to the funeral for his family and for me.  I am grateful to this day for the way that she handled everything. 

At Christmas time that year, I still felt sad. The local hospital had a love light tree where you could give a love light in honor or in memory of someone.  I gave one in memory of Daniel.   After elementary school, Daniel’s parents divorced and his mother remarried.  I wasn’t sure if anyone from his family would be there.  You can imagine my surprise when I walked in and saw his entire family sitting together; his mother, his father and his two brothers.  I think they needed this too.  When we walked outside to see the tree light up for the first time, we stood there staring at the plethora of beautiful lights on the tree.  Daniel’s father pointed to a light close to the top, making sure we could all see the one he was referring to.  Then he said that it was Daniel’s because it was the brightest. 

I think of Daniel often and while I know that I taught him many things over the years, I’d be foolish to believe that it was just one way.  There are many things that I learned from Daniel.  He taught me that a smile is one of the most precious gifts someone can give to another and he taught me how precious life is and how quickly it can be taken away.   I know that when I look up in the sky and I see the brightest star, its Daniel smiling down at me, letting me know everything is going to be okay…

Thoughts From Mom...

For My Son...

It’s scary and I’m new at this but my son smiles as he looks at me and tells me everything will be okay.  My mind takes a road trip to a place affectionately known as yesterday. I flip through my files of milestones and memories and I wonder as I return his smile if I’ve done enough. Did I teach him everything a mom should teach her son? Did I model what is right? I didn’t get down on my knees each night and pray like I did with my parents as a child but I prayed a lot and mostly when he didn’t know a prayer was being said. Was I wrong to hold a grudge (or maybe 10) against those who hurt him along his path from childhood to “almost” manhood? He tells me not to hold grudges because that’s not what God wants us to do. He’s right yet I can’t help it sometimes, most recently with a teacher. I’m an educator so I KNOW I shouldn’t hold a grudge against a teacher, but I do. I also truly treasure some of them for the way they have shown him kindness and because they truly care about HIM, not just his test scores.  I feel selfish as I think about the day that he will play his final baseball game because I don’t want that day to come but every player has a “last game.”  Will I be strong enough the day he hangs up his cleats for the last time? I bought him his first pair of cleats for T-Ball at the age of 3. He didn’t know they were soccer cleats. He was just happy to have “cleats.”

I’m just a mom of a boy who is slowly becoming a man, embarking on his senior year in high school. I know it will go fast just like the last 17 years of his life and then I’ll have to hit the “repeat” button and do this all over again with his little brother (sigh). I want to freeze time and make sure that I’ve done everything that I’m supposed to do for him, that I’ve taught him everything I was supposed to teach him. I want to sit his 6’2” body in my lap again and read to him and laugh with him just the way we used to do. All I’ve ever wanted is for him to be happy and to know that no matter what, I’m always here for him. I think about that for a minute and then I realize that perhaps it works both ways because he is always here for me, too. Ultimately, the greatest gift you can give your children besides unconditional love is a pair of wings to fly.

Son,

Please don’t ever forget where your nest is and about those grudges…let me know if anyone ruffles your feathers. 

Love,

 Mom 

Always Stop at the Lemonade Stand (Part 2)

Always Stop at the Lemonade Stand (Part 2)

There are many things that I hope my boys will remember when they grow up and become parents. One of them is our unofficial house rule “Always stop at the lemonade stand.”  We always stop and buy a cup or more of lemonade whenever we see a lemonade stand. In fact, I keep a “lemonade fund” in my car just for that purpose.  The boys will now tell me if they spot a lemonade stand on the side of the road because they want to stop. They “get” it. You see, I’ve never been disappointed when walking away from a lemonade stand and I certainly enjoyed my own lemonade stands when I was a young child. In order to have a lemonade stand, you must be willing to talk to someone you don’t know and that takes some guts. You also have to be willing to do some work. When customers arrive, you must practice very important life skills, looking them in the eye and having a two way conversation with them. The conversation is always friendly and most often I spot an adult off to the side beaming with pride as their young entrepreneur sells me a cup of lemonade.  You might be thinking that the lemonade doesn’t taste very good and quite frankly, most often that is true. If that is the reason you are stopping, then you are missing so much in life. I don’t stop for the lemonade. I stop for that warm fuzzy feeling I get inside whenever I go to a lemonade stand. I stop for the smiles and the giggles. I stop for the conversation because kids have some great things to say if we listen to them. I stop because like the young entrepreneur, I have hope in our future. I believe in working hard to earn money.  Every time I walk away from a lemonade stand, I feel good and I have a smile on my face because I know that this great tradition continues. I celebrate because I conversed with a child who chose to run a business and interact with strangers face to face over playing video games inside on their own. I also reminisce about the good ole days when I used to have my own lemonade stands with my friends and one day, I’d like to get back together with them on the side of the road with a sign that says

“Free Lemonade for Everyone. Thanks for the Memories!”